Today Is My Birthday

 

How Many Faces Do You See ??

 

NEW SHOW - HOOKER'S APPRENTICE

"Pahrump, Nev.- On the heels of the megahit reality show The Apprentice comes a brand new search for sharp business professionals -The Apprentice Hooker,- says the program's creator. "Smart, dependable prostitutes are hard to find," says Mike McGee, CEO of Strumpet Productions. "I came up with the brilliant idea after a friend, who frequents legal Nevada brothels, told me his favorite hostess, Madam Bovary, confided in him about how tough it was to hire Ladies of the Night who were beautiful, but also intelligent. "The Apprentice Hooker will attract 'working girls' from all across the country. They'll compete to get into Madam Bovary's brothel, The Best Little Whorehouse in Nevada, where they'll live like queens and service only the wealthiest men in America -- and make themselves a fortune in the process!" But competitors are going to face stiff challenges to win employment with Madam Bovary. "I make Donald Trump look like a doormat," says the brothel boss. Everyone thinks it's easy to be a hooker. Ha! I demand excellence. "I run a beautiful 'resort' for wealthy, sometimes famous men. They want a lovely lady who is attractively attired. I need women of grace who can prove to me they understand the art of making a deal." Madam Bovary insists there are a great many similarities between being a successful businessperson and a professional prostitute. Both must be able to:

•Show off their product in the best light.

•Negotiate quickly and firmly.

•Utilize time management and scheduling techniques.

•Provide customer satisfaction.

•Defeat the competition.

•Close the deal quickly.

•Generate repeat business.

•Know when to kiss butt.

The weekly, hour-long program will feature Madam Bovary and 20 escorts each season. "I'll also let them watch me in action. They can learn a lot by example." If, after reviewing the tape, Bovary comes to the conclusion there is no hope for that particular prostitute, she'll turn to her and say, "You're laid off." "The winner or winners will pack their bags and come to live in The Best Little Whorehouse in Nevada, where they'll work and reside in luxury," said Bovary. "The views are fantastic, the women get unlimited spa and gym time, a personal trainer, regular manicures, pedicures and massages. On the practical side, they'll receive full coverage medical benefits and a 401k." McGee says home audiences will be glued to their TV sets, rooting for their favorites and watching the hookers in action. Viewer discretion will be advised."

The Military

" He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry."

A Normal Work-Day For Them at War..

"He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must. He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march."

Spare time at War for our men

"He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts.If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job. He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime."

American's fine's While at war away from home

"They has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them. They has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combatand is unashamed. They feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through their body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to square-away' those around them who haven't bothered to stand,remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, they defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did our Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, they are paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, they are not children. They are the American Fighting person that has kept this country free for over 200 years"

Tradition of what war looks like

"He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood. And now we even have woman over there in danger,doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so. As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot.. A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets "

Prayer wheel for our military

" The average age of the military man or is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either. He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student,pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155mm howizzitor. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk........... Prayer wheel for our military........Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen. Please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our ground troops in Afghanistan, sailors on ships, and airmen in the air,and for those in Iraq. There is nothing attached.... This can be very powerful.......Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Coastguardsman, Marineor Airman, prayer is the very best one. This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. "

Excuse me but my !! BUTT!! is stuck

"A Colorado man who claims he was stuck to a restroom toilet seat has passed a lie detector test. Reports Bob Dougherty answered 20 questions, including four about him allegedly making a similar claim in Nederland, Colorado.Nederland's former operations director says Dougherty claimed last year that was was glued to a toilet seat in the town's visitor center. But Dougherty denies the claim.Dougherty has filed a lawsuit claiming after paramedics unbolted the toilet seat it separated from his skin, leaving abrasions.The lawsuit claims he suffered pain, humiliation and financial losses and seeks 3-million dollars in damages"

Coffee - couldn't bring this turtle back to life

"Ainsworth, Iowa.. A woman in Iowa says she got a jolt even before she made her Folgers coffee. Marjorie Morris says when she went to pour the freeze-dried coffee into a canister last Sunday, she found a dead baby turtle. Morris says she'd been making coffee from the same package for a month before discovering the turtle. She says when she called a customer service line, she was told the turtle might have wound up in the coffee because of Hurricane Katrina. There's a major Folgers plant in New Orleans. A spokeswoman for Procter and Gamble, which makes Folgers, says it's too early to say where the turtle came from. Morris says she doesn't plan to sue"

The Perfect Pen

"What we would give to be eight or 14 again! Ever since we discovered the Fly pen from Leapfrog Enterprises. This is no ordinary pen: It talks. It translates. It educates and entertains. You can draw piano keys or drums on the special Fly paper and get this play them. You can draw a calculator and do math with it. It also has a built-in scheduler to remind you of activities, appointments, curfew, specialized spelling help, the girls' ultimate interactive journal/friend/insta-magazine and more. This cool toy and computer in one is the ultimate multitasking tool for the tween on the go. The pen talks through a small loudspeaker but also includes earbuds As one reviewer on Amazon said: “This pen rocks!” We couldn't agree more."

Perfect Gift For Your Workers

 

My Sweetie and I kissed and made-up

 

Oh Well..It's Sunday

 

What I feel towards men today

 

Honey like my costume - Just for you

 

Halloween death not even noticed

Halloween Mistake:" Delaware -The apparent suicide of a woman found hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration, authorities said.The 42-year-old woman used rope to hang herself across the street from some homes on a moderately busy road, state police said. The body, suspended about 15 feet above the ground, could be easily seen from passing vehicles. Cpl. Jeff Oldham and neighbors said people noticed the body at breakfast time but dismissed it as a holiday prank. Authorities were called to the scene more than three hours later."They thought it was a Halloween decoration," Fay Glanden, wife of Mayor William Glanden, told The (Wilmington) News Journal. You know what is sad about this is no one even missed her enough to go look for her, only to then find her hanging dead right out in plain sight and everyone thinking your just a prop."

Remote For My Sweetie -

Mars - Is swinging by Earth

" The Red Planet will pass unusually close to Earth tonight, appearing as a yellow twinkle in the night sky. Mars' latest rendezvous will not match its record-breaking approach in 2003, but more people will be able to see it because it will be visible above the horizon. This pass will bring Mars a little over 41 (m) million miles away, compared to 35 (m) million miles in 2003. The two planets will not be this close again until 2018. If you would like to read more go to: http://skyandtelescope.com"